Why Asking for What You Want Isn’t Selfish — It’s Necessary

How often do you ask for what you really want? Not the polite version, not the watered-down hint, but the honest, clear truth about your needs?

For business coach and columnist Joanna Denton, the turning point came in the form of porridge — or rather, the wrong kind of porridge.

Staying at a luxury hotel, Joanna found herself facing a familiar dilemma at breakfast: the porridge was made with dairy milk. For someone who is dairy intolerant, this wasn’t ideal. But rather than simply accept the disappointment, she did something radical — she asked the chef if they could make her some using dairy-free milk.

It was a small question. But it carried a lot of weight.

“Why did it need me to take my courage in both hands and ask ‘yes’?” Joanna wonders.
“Because every part of me was whispering, ‘Don’t be a bother.’”

Sound familiar?

Permission to Ask

So many of us were raised to believe that asking too much is impolite. That our needs might be an inconvenience. That wanting more — more kindness, more space, more porridge — somehow makes us selfish.

But the truth is: you are allowed to ask.

Joanna reminds us that even in small moments, asking for what we want is not only okay — it’s essential. Because if we don’t, how will anyone know what we truly need?

Get on Board With This Ridiculous Life

Joanna’s story is more than just a breakfast anecdote — it’s a gentle challenge to all of us. In a world that’s constantly demanding we stay small, quiet, and agreeable, she asks us to do something bold:

Get on board with life. Speak up. Ask.

Whether you’re asking for dairy-free porridge, more support at work, or a long-overdue raise, the principle is the same:

You deserve to be heard.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Before you brush off your needs or mute your desires, try reflecting on these questions Joanna shares:

• What is it like for you to ask for what you want or need?
• Are there areas where it’s more or less easy to do so?
• What are the fears or beliefs that come up for you?
• How could you overcome those?
• What advice would your older, wiser self give you now?

This Christmas, Joanna’s message is timely and powerful.
Ask for what you want — not just from Santa, but from life.

Because you are not too much.
Your needs are not too much.
And asking is never too much bother.