Everyday Horrors That Are Scarier Than Halloween
Q Radio’s Jordan Arnold admits “spooky season” has crept into her vocabulary – but the real frights aren’t ghosts or ghouls. From long voice notes and awkward Tesco run-ins to checking the bank balance after a big night out, these are the everyday terrors that give her more chills than any haunted house.
Spooky Season, Everyday Style
Much like “YOLO” and other slang I began using ironically, the term “spooky season” has unfortunately now become a part of my actual vocabulary. And I assure you, it gives me no pleasure to admit this, but lo and behold, spooky season is indeed upon us!
Halloween brings with it an abundance of potential to be scared – from horror movies, to haunted houses, and right to farms audaciously charging £20 to “pick” a pumpkin from what is absolutely not a patch.
And whilst ghosts and ghouls, and monsters and mummies are definitely freaky in a fun sort of way, they don’t come close to the real life horrors that are the source of my nightmares.
Because let’s face it: the fella from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre doesn’t live on your street, but the nosey neighbour who joins on a long-winded chat when you’re just trying to bring the groceries indoors does.
So, in the spirit of spooky season (sorry), here are a few everyday frights that strike more fear into my heart than Halloween ever could.
The Voice Note of Doom
We’ve all been there: you open WhatsApp and see a new voice note from someone unexpected.
I.e., not your bestie or that random friend who always has a cracker story.
And worse, it’s not a breezy 15 seconds. Not even a minute. No, it’s 3 minutes and 47 seconds long. Sorry, are you narrating the entire Old Testament for me?! Honestly, I’d rather sit through a séance with a poltergeist than pretend I have the stamina for that. Reply pending. Never.
The Boss Wanting a “Quick Chat”
The phrase “can I grab you for a quick chat?” sends shivers down my spine every single time. What do they want? Am I in trouble? Saddled on the spot? It’s terrifying and in the time between them asking for a quick chat and said quick chat happening I’ve mentally replayed every single word I’ve ever said in my entire life.
Running Into Someone You Vaguely Know in Tesco
There you are in the condiments aisle. A person you went to school with, worked with briefly, or maybe even dated once. You did not necessarily ever fall out, but you certainly have nothing to chat to them about.
Do you say hi? Pretend you didn’t see them? Or do you abandon your basket and run to the car? Honestly nothing raises the heart rate quicker than the prospect of horribly awkward small talk.
Sending a Mildly Confrontational Email
Not even necessarily confrontational in any way, shape or form. It could just be something a little awkward, like chasing up an unpaid invoice or having to decline an invitation.
But you best believe, if I ever have to send an email that even has a fraction of grey rainbows and sunshine attached, the moment I’ve hit “send” I’ve swapped my phone to airplane mode and assumed the recovery position – for fear I may actually gulp read it and re-reply.
Accidentally Liking an Old Instagram Post
It’s the digital equivalent of walking up to someone, shaking their hand and saying: “Hello, I’ve been stalking you!”
One wrong tap and suddenly you’ve liked someone’s holiday pic from 2014. Sure, you can unlike it, but what if it’s too late? That is pure, stomach-dropping horror you wouldn’t even feel as a teen on Elm Street.
The Bank Balance Check
Logging into your account after a big night out or a big shop is 100% scarier than any slasher thriller.
You know it’s going to be bad, but you still cover the screen with your hand, peeking through your fingers like you’re watching The Exorcist.
Except it’s not demonic possession, it’s the low number on the screen reminding you about those five rounds of espresso martinis you insisted on buying and the ASOS spree you went on when you got home.
The Unexpected Doorbell Ring
You’re at home, cosy on the sofa, and suddenly you hear the chime of your Ring Doorbell. But you don’t expect anyone.
It’s fight-or-flight time. Do you brave it? Do you hold your breath, strike a statuesque still pose and pretend you’re not home?
Forget trick-or-treaters – this is true terror. It’s so genuinely offensive to me that anyone would call at my door unannounced that I’m convinced it should be illegal.
Final Thoughts
So yes, Halloween might bring with it some jump-scares and trickery, but I’ll take that over the true horrors of adult life.
Forget garlic to ward off vampires – the only protection I need is airplane mode, a disguise when I’m out in public and the block button.
✍️ Jordan Arnold, Q Radio
