The Lies Fear Tells Us

Executive business coach and Local Women columnist Joanna Denton explores the stories women tell themselves when they feel stuck, and why waiting for the perfect moment is often what keeps them standing still.

“Words are coming from places I don’t recognise,” she told me, barely able to contain her excitement.

“It’s like there’s this avalanche of words that have been hiding somewhere, and now they’re allowed out.”

This was a woman who’d been circling her expertise for years.

She had the knowledge, the platform, the audience who needed to hear what she had to say.

But every time she sat down to write, the same thoughts would surface: What if people don’t take me seriously? What if it’s not as impactful as I think? What if I’m not the right person to say this?

Sound familiar?

We’re remarkably creative when it comes to the stories we tell ourselves about why we can’t.

The small business owner who knows her prices are too low but tells herself she’ll raise them “once I’m more established.” The woman returning to work who has years of experience but convinces herself she needs to “upskill first” because she’s “been out too long.” The mum with the brilliant business idea who’ll start it “when the kids are settled.”

These stories feel so reasonable.

So logical.

So… true.

But here’s what I’ve learned from working with senior professionals across every industry: these aren’t facts. They are stories – protective mechanisms our minds create to keep us safe from the vulnerability of actually trying.

The partner who has her visibility strategy perfectly mapped out but finds “one more research project” before she starts. The executive who knows exactly which conversation needs to happen with her team but waits for the “perfect moment.” The entrepreneur who spends months validating her course idea instead of simply asking five people if they’d buy it.

We mistake motion for progress. Preparation for action. Thinking for doing.

The irony is brutal: the very stories designed to protect us from failure become the thing that prevents us from succeeding.

So how do we break free?

First, when that voice says “I’m not ready yet” or “I need to research this more,” pause and ask yourself: is this coming from a place of wisdom or a place of fear?

Wisdom feels calm. It sounds like: “I genuinely need to understand this process better, and here’s specifically where I can find those answers.” Fear feels like throwing up walls. It sounds like a broken record, or “yeah… but”: “I can’t possibly start until I know everything” or “There’s always one more thing I should check first.”

Second, ask yourself: what shifts when I know that I’m already enough? What happens when you trust that your current knowledge, experience, and instincts are sufficient to take the next step?

Third, what’s the smallest first step you can take that moves you forward? Not the perfect plan, not the complete strategy – just one small action that makes progress real instead of theoretical.

The woman with the avalanche of words didn’t suddenly become more qualified. She didn’t acquire new skills or wait for perfect timing. She simply stopped asking permission from the voices in her head and started listening to what wanted to emerge.

“The writing process is for me,” she realised. “I don’t think I knew that before. I was so focused on what everyone else would think that I forgot why I wanted to write in the first place.”

That shift changes everything.

Your story might sound different. Maybe it’s “I’ll apply for that role once I have more experience.” Or “I’ll start my business when I have enough savings.” Or “I’ll have that difficult conversation when I know exactly what to say.”

But underneath, it’s the same pattern: waiting for conditions that will never feel perfect enough.

The truth is, you already know what you need to do. You’re just not ready to admit you know it yet.

In my work with brilliant professionals who feel stuck, I’ve learned that the gap between knowing and doing isn’t always about strategy. Often it’s about permission – they are waiting for someone to give them permission to want this. Sometimes it’s about fear – that they only get one shot at this, so they better not screw it up. Sometimes it’s the stories we’ve inherited about how things “should” be done, and whether “people like us” can really do this.

But here’s what happens when you stop waiting: the path appears as you walk it. The confidence builds as you take action, as the rubber hits the road. The words find their way to the surface, sometimes from places you don’t even recognise.

And that avalanche of possibility you’ve been holding back? It’s been waiting for you to get out of its way.

Contact Details

JD Speaking and Strategy Ltd.
River House
48-60 High Street
Belfast
BT1 2BE

Tel: +44 (0)7795085297
Email: joanna@joannadenton.com
Website: www.joannadenton.com